Cursed Gift
by Impassive Tears
Summary: "My name is Kyle Broflovski. Today, I died." Multiple pairings. Permanently discontinued.
1. Prologue

"I...don't understand." My watery eyes flitted around the room, seeking for some other life form, or even an inanimate object, just _something _that isn't, you know, an parka-clad immortal or a completely blank, white, ceiling and flooring.

"I don't expect you to! Look, Kyle, I'm tired of this power. And I'm fucking sick of all this drama! I'm giving you a chance, Kyle. A chance to give your friends good lives. How could you refuse?" He was right. I couldn't turn down the offer. Allow me to explain.

My name is Kyle Broflovski, I am (was?) nearly 17 years old, and my boyfriend was called Stan Marsh. Today, I died. I'm not sure how exactly, I can't really remember. One second I was crossing the road, the next I was in Kenny's arms, eyes drooping as he flew me to the afterlife, and listening to him ramble on about how he could finally free himself of his gift...or curse, as he preferred to call it.

So what do I have to do? Well, Kenny gave me five instructions, not necessarily in that order, which I will detail in a list below. I guess I hadn't lost that habit, which I'm grateful for.

1) **Change my identity.** Since I died, but am going back to Earth, it makes sense that if I'm going to have a new life, I'm going to have a new appearance. Besides, scaring my friends the fuck out or giving them hope I'm alive again - I can only stay on Earth for 2 months - isn't how I would want things to turn out.

2) **Make peace with my death, and accept that when the times comes, I will pass away, again.** But it will be alright, I guess. I have Kenny to keep me company... Wait, on seconds thoughts!

3) **Help my friends get over me.** Easier said than done. How can I possibly be able to get Stan to move on? Sure, one day, he will. But not in a few months! There's also the minor issue of getting seriously depressed and jealous; Kenny suggested I should set Stan up with someone... How will I find the strength to do that?

4) **Get my friends together.** This is actually a task I might enjoy. Craig and Tweek. Pip and Damien. Cartman (bleugh) and Wendy (Bitch). Token and Clyde. Butters and... Well, Kenny hasn't thought of someone for him yet. I think Kenny doesn't really want to even consider it, much like I don't want to for Stan. Even though I know Kenny wants to stay dead, stop dying all the freaking time, I know how much he already misses his boyfriend.

5) **Get back to Heaven.** Yes, I got into Heaven. Turns out religion isn't all that important, as long as you didn't commit any of the main sins.

"I'll do it.'

If only I knew what I was in for...


	2. First Day

I chose to be a girl.

Okay, okay, I know what you want to say... but I have multiple reasons for doing so!

1) I want to carry on looking like me, red hair and all, but how can I have that and not get noticed as Kyle? The answer was simple. Be the girl version of myself, no matter how much it disgusted me.

2) What if the boys started hitting on me? God reassured Kenny who reassured me that all the boys were gay as rainbows, and so wouldn't go after the girls, so what if I was a boy? If I'm going to try and get them all together, I'll be spending a whole lot of time with all of them, and I couldn't have them trying to date me! That would screw everything up! Especially if Stan noticed the personality similarities and tendencies and tried to date me again... If I was girl, he probably wouldn't care enough to observe.

3) I could get help from the girls at school. I'm sure I'll make enough friends to get some of them to help me in my endeavours. Wendy and Bebe, particularly. They're always nicking Tweek's coffee thermos just to see Craig's angry face at someone trying to mess with Tweek.

4) I kind of... wanted to be one?

Like I said, I'm just the female version of myself. God gave me a shitload of money to spend, and so I'm already accessorised with clothes and whatnot. Oh, and the added bonus! God's arranged for my period to start...never. For which, I am thankful. Immensely.

Right now, I'm staying in a hotel on the edge of town. Kenny's given me this walkie talkie thing, so if I get stuck, for example when someone asks where my parents are or who I live with, Kenny would give me a cover story.

It's pretty sweet.

* * *

I walk into school casually. I tied my curly, red hair up into a ponytail, stuffed my legs into black, denim skinny jeans, pulled on a plain black shirt then topped it off with a dark blue hoodie and sneakers. If I do say myself, I look pretty cool...for a girl.

I'm not sure who did it, Kenny or God, but someone brainwashed the teachers and students into thinking I was the new girl attending South Park &amp; West Park high, which they had been notified about months ago. As I walked down the hallway, I snuck glances at my former classmates. I saw Tweek whispering in Craig's ear, clutching him anxiously like I was going to bite him or something. I arrived at my locker, and started to unpack my rucksack, when a hand landed on my shoulder. I turned around.

"Hey, baby. Haven't seen you in these parts before." Just judging by the content of his sentence, it wouldn't be stupid to say I thought it might be Kenny, coming down to Earth for some reason. But no, it was Clyde. Great.

"I just moved here." Was my swift reply, turning back to close my locker. He smirked and stuck out a hand. I remembered something. Clyde shouldn't be hitting on me! He's supposed to be with Token!

"Clyde." He informed me, unaware that I already knew. I smiled at him, pissed off that this was going to be so much harder than I thought yesterday.

"...Chloe." I told him, shaking his hand. I bit my lip, and slugged my rucksack back over my shoulders. He rolled his eyes.

"Allow me to take that for you, Miss Chloe." I handed him my rucksack timidly. "Maybe I should show you around these parts, hm?" I nodded, looking around for any of my other classmates. The bell went, and it appeared that they had been holding out on me or something. Craig and Tweek, who I had already saw, were still against the wall, talking about something. Tweek seemed to get madder and madder, before he stormed off, pulling at his hair and twitching his eye. What was that about?

I didn't have much time to think as Token and Jimmy came up, scowling at Clyde. Clyde smirked, again.

"Chlo," I held back a sigh. "These are my friends, Token and Jimmy. Craig and Tweek should be in class soon. Oh, and if you stare at Tweek for his tics or anything, you're dead meat. Craig is like Tweek's human bodyguard." I relaxed. Getting Tweek and Craig together would be easy, but what about that fight?

"Who's this?" I heard a low, depressing tone say as Clyde steered me into the classroom doorway. I froze, and Stan did too, just for a second. My heart beat fast as he stared at me, a sliver of recognition in his eyes.

"C-chloe." I stuttered, and Stan's eyes clouded over. My face fell at his appearance. He had gone goth again, like the time Wendy broke up with him, but much, much worse. He had even taken off his hat. He looked thin, and tired, black bags underlining his eyes, and it had only been a week since I died.

"Stan." He muttered, and returned to his seat, immediately letting his head fall into his arms, shutting the world, well, the rest of his classmates, out. My eyes already felt teary but I did my best to push them back. I felt lips at my ear, and resisted the urge to cringe away.

"He's been kind of emo since Kyle died. We're not sure if he'll snap out of it. They were...together, you know." Yes, I know. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, composing myself. I didn't hear a certain chullo-clad boy enter the room.

"Hey, this is Chl-" Clyde was silenced by a middle finger. I rolled my eyes at his addiction to non-verbal obscenities and Craig noticed, flipping me off too.

"I don't really give a fuck." He growled, walking to his seat in the far corner. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, seeing him grab his phone and ring someone, face taken over by a new expression. Worried. He was probably calling Tweek.

I looked over my shoulder to see the clique stroll into the classroom, all smiling at me. They introduced themselves.

"Wendy."

"Bebe."

"Annie."

"Red."

"Lola."

"Rebecca."

"Nicole."

"...Lisa Berger!"

How I could get through this, I don't know.


	3. Invitation

I spend the rest of the day with Clyde as my shadow. Seriously. Due to my _fantastic _luck, I share _all _of my classes with him. I don't even like Clyde that much. He's way too vain for me, and kind of a douchebag, which is weird for such a crybaby.

He's doing it right now. When I finally got out of school, after meeting loads of people I knew already, he was still by my side, insisting on walking me home. I'm not too sure why he wants to hang around me so badly. Yes, I made myself hot - I couldn't help it - but he's supposed to be gay!

"I cant believe Token is getting back with Nicole, even after what she's done to him." Oh yes, thats why. To make Token jealous. I'm not sure if I should be happy or mad about it. "What do you think?" I hold back a sigh as we walk out the school gates, settling on sticking my hands in my pockets as, once again, Clyde has taken my bag; to prove his masculinity or something, I don't know.

"Nicole seems kind of nice, what do you have against her?" I ask, keeping up the act of the oblivious new girl. Of course, I know already. Nicole may be one of my worst girl enemies, which makes it worse that she seems to want to be my best friend... I'll tell you about that later.

"Well, to start off, she's cheated on him twice." He tells me, and I glance at him, seeing how his brown eyes have narrowed in anger. His face softens as he turns to look at me, too.

"...why do you care so much?" I bite my lip, cringing mentally. I should _not _have said that. Since when did I get so blunt? Ah, stupid girls. He splutters.

"Because! H-he's my best friend..." He trails off, looking flustered. I redirect my gaze to my feet, allowing myself a smile. Sure, that's it Clyde.

"Oh, this is my road." He says awkwardly, nodding at me as if I asked a question. I tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

'Um, okay." I mutter, wrapping my arms around and hugging myself as the wind picks up. Thank god I have a ponytail or I wouldn't be able to see right now.

"Hey, Chloe? Can I ask you something?" You just did. My eyes droop, but I give him an anxious but encouraging, go-for-it smile. Damn, I'm good at acting.

"Token's having a party tonight. I'll love if you can come..." My face brightens up. A party? Full of drunken, hormonal teenagers? Perfect. I'll have everyone sleeping together by dawn. "I'll pick you up at 9, ok?" He carries on, snapping me out of my thoughts. I jerk my head up, feeling my pupils dilate in fear. He can't pick me up!

"Um, don't worry... I'll walk." And with that, I run off, not wanting or needing to talk anymore.

* * *

_Chloe, are you going to the party? It's Wendy, by the way :) xxx_

I scowl. God, I hate Wendy. I guess I have to spend some time with her in order to get her and Cartman together though. I tap the keyboard, and type back quickly.

_Yep, see you there Wends! xxx_

Don't judge me.

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**Reviews would be top notch :)**


	4. Party

I'm guided through the mansion, a large hand on the small of my back. I take a deep breath as I slip past all the obstacles, from people to furniture. I catch a glance at an expensive-looking vase. Obviously, that won't stay intact for long.

I can smell the drugs and alcohol from where I stand in the Kitchen. I look down at my slim, black dress I picked out two hours prior. Too much? I see BeBe, who is caked with cheap makeup, as usual, wearing a dress that reveals more than half of her breasts. In comparison, I might as well be wearing a chastity belt. What a slut.

I hear a slight buzz in my ear, and I turn to see Clyde whispering into it. The music is too loud, and I can't hear a word of what he is saying. I just smile and nod instead, simple awkward diversion tactics. Wish I had more, I think, as I see Wendy strolling up to me, beaming,

"Chlo!" She practically screams, though I guess that is ok because we are at a party, after all. She grabs my arms and pulls me into a tight hug. I sigh into her shoulder. She almost pushes me back, grinning at me. I grin back, wondering if she can see how forced it is. I hear a loud, purposeful cough at my side.

"Sorry, ladies, but I have to go find my friend." He leans in and tells us, patting me on the arm, as if comforting me. I can almost feel my eyes lighten up. Which friend? Token? With all the booze in their systems... Perfect. I watch Clyde walk away, vowing to catch up with him later. Wendy attracts my attention as I hear Cartman's name. Oh right, that whole Candy business.

I swear, so many fucking couples…

"He's been such an asshole recently…" That's nothing new. "He won't leave me alone!" She literally whines, and I adjust my cardigan. I grit my teeth and slide an arm around her shoulders, leading her into Token's massive garden. Looks like it's time for the ultimate BFF chat. Yay.

We reach the back door, and flick the light switch on, the one that lights up the porch, and step outside. We both freeze, but I regain my composure quicker and slam a hand over Wendy's mouth. Ugh... Wendy germs…

"I t-thought you loved me!" I hear Tweek cry, and we duck under the table. I sneak a look at her and she sneaks one back. We smile at each other. Okay, maybe she's not so bad. A partner in crime, right? I shake my head and listen in, craning my neck to study Craig and Tweek visually. I see both of them are crying, and at this point, I can honestly say Craig is shaking as much as Tweek.

"I do! Fuck, I love you so much!" Craig sobbed, and I'm almost shocked that his usual nasal voice has been replaced with a somewhat girly one. He tries to take Tweek's hand, but the blonde steps back. I see the hurt in Craig's eyes. Funny, I barely even noticed them after Elementary school, and now I'm thinking about their _body language. _

"Then – nngh – why?" Tweek asks quietly, tears rolling down his face. My breath catches. What did Craig do? "Why did you s-sleep with T-thomas?" Mine and Wendy's eyes go wide. Craig, you asshole.

"You and I just had that fight, and I was confused and angry and plain upset that you never trust me and I-I…" I can see the hysteria rising inside of Craig, and the desperate tone to his voice. Tweek bows his head, looking down. What did Tweek not trust Craig about? Hm, well, it doesn't matter much either way. It was probably some petty argument, that lead to this.

Tweek runs away, and Craig bites his lip, hard. Blood collects on his bottom lip as Tweek slips inside the house, still crying. Craig waits a few moments before breaking down, falling onto the floor and rocking back and forth, hands covering his face. I let out a long groan, but make sure to stifle it with a sleeve.

So what have I learnt so far? I'm guessing Tweek and Craig are dating, had a fight, then Craig slept with Thomas for some pathetic reason.

Oh, it just keeps getting harder.

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**Thanks for all the encouragements!**


	5. Kenny

**A/N: Okay, so I am really ashamed of myself. The length of the past chapters were just... unsatisfactory. I will now be publishing them at this length, and if I violate this promise, you may send me dead babies in the post :o**

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It's been a while since the party, two days to be exact. Not entirely long, but I'm sure the cleaning up after was, considering how many high tailed it out of there the minute Token asked for volunteers. I'm one to talk, I was one of the first out of that door, Wendy's arm linked with mine.

Ugh, I don't have the strength to defend myself on that last statement.

Honestly, I don't. I spent the rest of the weekend trying to work out what to do. Craig and Tweek's relationship was evidently crumbling to dust, Stan never came to the party, Clyde is still firmly playing butch dress up in the closet, Wendy's driving me bat shit insane (but less frequently now), Token is living as a stereotype, Cartman is the same freaking sadistic, apathetic as he always is, Butters is basically a Big Gay Al clone, given no one has a clue Kenny that died (and never will) or even existed, and Kenny…? He's right here now.

That's right bitches. He's freaking teleported from the midst of Heaven just to pop in, say hi and ask how I'm doing. After a few attempts at making plans – it involved some post-screwed up circle maps of blunt, unintelligible ideas – we called it quits and just lay on the bed, exchanging a few phrases every now and then.

"How can I do this?" I sigh, resting my head against the pillow, or more like, burying my head with so much pressure I could fall through the bed's structure directly to Hell. At this rate, that trip doesn't sound so bad.

Kenny looks up, propping himself up on his grubby hands. "_Chloe, _you're the smartest person I've ever met. I don't know how, it doesn't matter anyway, but I _do _know you can do this." He stares at me with an encouraging smile, and I scowl. All this "smartest person I've ever met" shit is tiring. Why can't he admit he just needs me to do his dirty work?

"Asshole." I mutter, holding my head. May seem a little harsh but he is one. After all, if he hadn't lugged his 'problems' onto me, I wouldn't be here, in a pink, hotel – owned dressing gown with long, curly hair getting in my eyes, playing a very dead Cupid.

"Bitch." He offers, and I grind my teeth. Oh, it's on.

"Dick."

"Pussy."

"Whore."

"Slut."

"Cocksu-" I'm cut off mid-swear as he throws himself at me, resulting in a loud and long string of snorts coming from me. His fingers poke at my sides as I squirm, shouting "Stop!", but to no avail. He quits it quickly enough though, knowing there's a point where it stops being funny, and becomes slightly twisted. I mean, who thinks it's sane to want someone to feel immense discomfort, but experience this whilst releasing involuntary giggles?

I pant, smiling at him fondly. He beams back, before rolling off me. He checks the time on his watch, then flips his arm to show me. 1:34am. Shit. I have a big day tomorrow. He grimaces and gets up to stand on his feet.

"I better be heading back, don't want the old man getting angry, do I?" I chuckle and shake my head, getting up to give him a hasty fist bump.

"Good luck."

Yeah, I need it.

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**Reviews keep me going, and it really would be nice to see what you think. I'm really excited about where this story is going, and I hope you are too :)**


	6. Dead Dog

**A/N: Ok, I caved in. I'm uploading this, even though I haven't got the two more reviews :(**

**About Fears and Trembles... It was initially going to be just a one shot, but I think I implied it would continue, so looksie, another chaptered fic on the way! Oh dear...**

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I waltz into school, feeling slightly more confident than I did the day prior. Why? I just got a new pair of shoes, and they have heels, and I'm working it. Honestly, I couldn't be prouder that I can walk in them without falling.

What is life.

Straight away I spot Craig in the corner in the form room, his eyes fixated on his phone. I roll my eyes. I can't help but despise him for what he did to Tweek, which makes it harder I'm the one who has to give him his happy ending. If I was the one making rules, I would be spending this time helping Tweek move on, or just bailing on the whole situation. But I'm not, so here I am, off to Sir Douchebag's cave of misery.

"Hi." I mumble, and he looks up, eyes lighting in hope. He flips me off, however, when he realises it's not Tweek, but me. Rude.

"What do you want?" There's a new edge to his voice, an emotional one. It's definitely not a positive one, yet I can't distinguish between whether it's laced with anger, or sadness. I rock myself back on the floor, sitting on my knees as I fold my newly manicured –

Again, what is life.

"Why did you cheat on Tweek?" I ask bluntly, not caring if I just summoned the wrath of one Craig Tucker. I don't mind if I get flipped off again, I just want to know the canon reason he slept with Thomas. There has to be something more than his lame-ass excuse at the party.

"I liked him." He admits, and my eyes widen in surprise. Who is he even talking about? "I love Tweek, obviously, and Thomas can't even compare… But, yeah, I liked him." He sighs. "I had a crush on him, you know? But I promised myself I wouldn't do anything in case it ruined things with me and Tweek…" I nodded, understanding shit a bit more.

"Then we had a fight, and I went round to his house." I assume he means Thomas' house. "I was just upset, and needed a friend. Thomas just… came onto me… I couldn't help myself." I stare as I see tears protrude from his eyes.

"What was the fight even about?" I ask carefully, fully interested now. He glares at me.

"Why do you want to know?" He suddenly hisses, clenching his fists after wiping away the wet from his eyes. I bite my lip and try to look as innocent as possible.

"I just want to help, Craig." I say truthfully, laying a hand on his shoulder. He nods, and answers my question.

"His dog just died." Wait, Craig fucked another guy the same day Tweek's dog died? Fucking cold. "And he had somehow gotten it into his head I had fed the damn thing poison when I watched him for Tweek the other day..." He sniffles. "I think he was probably hyped up on meds, but I was so pissed I didn't even try to calm him down." I see his cheek twitch, and know he just bit the inside of it,

"He called me the worst boyfriend ever, and that he hated me, so I just stormed out. Then…then…well, you know what happened. When Tweek finally came to his senses, he came to Thomas looking for me, and saw…he saw…" He got up suddenly, and almost disappeared as he fled the room, nasally sobs erupting from him.

Well, fuck.

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**Next chapter: Talking to Tweek, Token or Stan?**

**It's up to you :)**


	7. Thoughts

**A/N: I feel like this is becoming slightly more detailed and sentimental, as opposed to humorous and rushed. I hope you enjoy this next bit, it's a little more detailed, and talks more about how Kyle feels.**

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I stick my hands in my pockets, yawning as I pace up the pavement. My Chemical Romance pounds in my ears as I wonder what to do next. Craig had never returned after his abrupt departure, and I doubt he will come back today, either. It doesn't matter much, though. I'm done with the mess that is Tweek and Craig, for now.

School won't start for an hour or two, and so it's irregular for me to be up so early. I normally lie in, hit snooze on the alarm multiple times, not wanting to deal with all these goddamn missions day after day. Today is an important day, though, because, it's about me. No more will I obsess and give myself grief over trying to pair a bunch of teenagers today, no, instead I will do a task I somewhat forgot about.

Helping people get over me.

It doesn't seem too difficult. Clyde seems nowhere n ear effected by it, as cheerful as ever, like Butters, though both seem offbeat when they mention my deceased self, dropping their eyes to the floor and sighing as if reminiscing. I can tell Tweek and Craig haven't so much as thought about me, focused solely on their own dilemma. I haven't spoken to many others who I'm supposed to help, be it getting over me or getting them together with someone, so I'm not too sure on that front.

Like Stan, and my family.

I saw Ike yesterday, walking home from school. He had his familiar Sonic headphones on, and was humming to the music like he had no idea he was being watched. He did eventually look up, and we locked eyes, but only for a second. Like Stan had, he soon dropped his gaze, that sliver of recognition soon lost.

I don't know what to do. Knock on my parents door, say everything and anything I ever wanted to apologise, or be thankful, for? I can imagine how that would go down. No, my aim is to be subtle, not cause havoc or arouse suspicion. The only thing I can do for them now is help others, like they always told me to, and make them proud. I mean, maybe, even, I'll see Ike falling over, or running into a fight with friends, and I might just be able to help him, if I'm still here, that is.

So, that leaves Stan.

We were soul mates, destined to be together. He could be my brother, or my lover, and it still would make perfect sense. From the moment I kicked over his Lego bricks in Kindergarten, to the moment I kissed him goodbye 15 minutes prior to getting run over, we were inseparable, infinite. And now, we're separated.

I know I've barely even talked about it, but he's on my mind 24/7. When I'm slumped over my desk in Chemistry, pretending to pay attention to the terminology and methods I've already memorised, the image of his smiling face comes to mind. His beam soon dissipates, replaced with trembling lips and tear streaked cheeks.

I can't bring myself to so much as look at him, so, here I am, walking to school, hours before I should, thinking about what I can do, if there is anything. I remember how long it took him to get over Wendy, on so many occasions, and the agony it brought me to see him in it, himself. I know now the only reason he got through it was because of me, I was there, he told me later, but now, with "me" buried deep beneath the surface, how can I begin to mend him?

The song changes to Apoligise by Timbaland, and I enter the school through a large crack in the fence. I freeze as I spot a small, shaking blonde boy sobbing by the brick wall, in the fetal position.

_Tweek?_

He tenses, hearing me, even though I barely breathe. He jerks up, and I see bright blue eyes, staring at me.

"H-hey…Butters."

_It's too late to apoligise. It's too late._

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**Please rveiew if you want to read more**

**EDIT: I mean review, though you can still rveiew, if you want.**


	8. Just Like Kyle's

Butters sniffles, wiping his eyes as I bite my lip awkwardly. "W-what are you doing here, Chlo?" He tries to say cheerfully, but his voice cracks. I sigh, and crouch down next to him, doing my best to place my arm around his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" I ask, curious. Butters is never early, nor late. His mom drops him off so he's always right on time, punctual, just as Linda, herself, is. Even my mom's not as strict as his. I fight back tears, thinking of her.

"Gee, Chlo, you really want to know?" He asks, frowning. I nod, hoping Butters won't find anything odd about it. I do sit next to him in Art though, so there's a good chance he won't see through my façade.

"Chlo," I wonder why he keeps abbreviating my name, before remembering. Oh. _Clyde._ "Have you ever felt like something's missing?" I tilt my head. "L-like there's supposed to be someone in your life, but there isn't, and your heart aches because of it?" My mind conjures up the image of Kenny and I breathe out, trying my best not to break down and tell Butters everything.

Kenny. As I've already said, no one can remember a single thing about Kenny, but does that mean Butters' heart has changed? Does it mean all those moments they shared, the love they celebrated, the laughs they emitted are all a waste? No. But I can never tell Butters that. I just have to shrug his thoughts off, and do my best to help him forget _everything._

"Maybe you're just lonely." I suggest mildly. "Maybe your heart aches because you don't have a partner right now, Butters. " He looks as if he wants to fervently deny it, before his expression relaxes, as does my tense one.

"Maybe… But what fella is going to go for me, Chlo?" He shakes his head. "Gee, my dad was right. I'm a no good bad lookin' faggot." I swallow and my eyes narrow. How had I never shown any concern for Butters, and his dad's abuse before? Butters had even been in our gang once. I feel ashamed, and lousy. Butters has always been nice to everyone, but no one, save for Kenny, ever paid him back for it.

I can try, now, at least. "Listen, Butters." I say gently, resting my hand on his knee as I force him to look at me. "I'll help you find someone…someone who deerves you, ok?" His eyes light up and he beams, throwing his arms around me.

"Well, thanks, Chlo! That means a lot." He admits bashfully, using his sleeve to get rid of any leftover tears. He gets up, and looks towards the main building as the bell suddenly rings, signalling all students are allowed on the premises now. Pfft.

We reach the buiding in silence, and as I turn to my locker, he gently pulls me back, tugging at my jacket. He gives me a tiny smile. "Gosh, your eyes are just like Kyle's." Then he wanders off, leaving me frozen.


	9. Trust

I got two periods after lunch, which means I'm cancelled out for the rest of the day. Perfect, except Clyde and Token aren't here, which spoils my spontaneous plan of confronting Clyde about his sexuality and confronting Token about needing to spend more time with his friend. Damn. I flit my eyes across the room, and they fall upon a certain blonde. Tweek Tweak.

Right. I learnt about this at the Zoo. You must always approach a wild animal very, very carefully. I start walking forward slowly, making sure my steps are deathly quiet. What else? Oh yeah, make sure they know you're approaching. Don't come from behind them, and don't trap them. Tweek looks at me from his book and gasps, trembling more than he was before. Timing is everything. I launch myself onto the sofa next to him.

"Nngh!" He cries, and the libarian looks up, glaring at Tweek. He gulps and keeps silent, his body convulsing. "What d-do you want?" He demands in a smaller voice, and leans away, looking fearful, as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm here to help you and Craig." I say honestly, and he scans my face before his eyes narrow. He slams his book and gets up, walking straight out of the libary. My gaze falls upon it. _Ways to get over heartbreak. _Wow.

"Tweek!" I shout, stalking after him. He turns around, his fists clenched, as we stand in the hallway. If I'm not mistaken, the shine in his eyes have more to do with crying than whatever natural sparkle Craig probably tells him he has.

"How do you even know? I don't _know _you!" He stresses, and my heart sinks. No, he doesn't know me. Not anymore. I flick my red hair behind my shoulders, and gently come up to him again, taking his hand. He looks at me suspiciously and I lead him to an empty classroom. He starts panicking.

"Shut up. I'm a girl, what's the worst I can do?" I snap, and I get the feeling he's got tonnes of abstract theories, but he doesn't say any. I sigh. "Tweek, Craig asked me to help." I fib and he shakes his head firmly, maybe from disbelief, I don't know. "He told me he cheated on you." His hazel eyes start leaking tears and he rocks back, sitting on the desk timidly.

He caves in. "I d-didn't mean to lash out at h-him. I k-know he didn't k-kill my d-dog." He tries to wipe away his tears, but they keep on coming. "I f-forgot to take my m-meds and I was r-really stressed and... t-then when I c-came round a-after school to f-find him... and he was k-k-kissing him." Tweek sobs, and curls up. My face falls. I thought I had problems. I reach over to hug him but he pushes me away.

"And he was loving him!" Tweek accuses, shaking. "He w-was making l-love to him... I t-thought he would only d-do that with me. But no! F-fucking Craig Tucker." He sniffles, and finally lets me embrace him. His tears soak the back of my top, but I don't care, I just hold him.

"Tweek," I say. "Craig loves you. He loves you more than I can imagine." No, I can imagine, with me and Stan, but it's not like I can say that. "He's just...killing himself over doing that to you. He misses you Tweek, he needs you. He made a mistake, I'm sure you have at one point, why not give him a second chance?" Tweek bites his lip.

"I miss him too and I l-love him. Oh c-christ, I l-love him so much!" He tells me and I nod, smiling slightly as I wipe away his tears with my thumb. "But he h-hurt me. How can I forgive him, or trust him n-not to do it again? M-maybe I deserve it, I don't know, I definitely don't deserve Craig... But it doesn't mean I'm ok with g-getting hurt." I frown.

"Tweek, you wanna know what I think you should do?" He nods, studying me curiously. "I think you should take him back, but only ever let him hold your hand and hug you. Don't let him kiss you, and definitely not fuck you." He blushes, but then tilts his head. I explain. "You wait until he does something to earn your complete trust back." I instruct confidently and he smiles. "Any ideas of what he could do?"

He thinks for a bit, then brightens up a bit. "He w-won't tell many people about us. He's s-scared of l-losing his reputation if -people find out he's g-gay." I smirk and he smirks back. "I might f-forgive him if he did that. If he t-told people and w-wasn't ashamed of me." I cough and stand up.

"I'll give Craig a hint." I promise, walking backwards slowly. "Good luck, Tweek." He nods, and takes his phone out of his pocket as I leave the classroom.

* * *

**AN: Some Candy will be up next for you Candy lovers...**


	10. Tabletops

"Hey." I say, sitting down next to Clyde, Token and Craig. Craig looks distant, I wonder if Tweek's talked to him yet. Wendy waves over to me at another table, but I ignore her. The girls haven't been much use. All they care about is boys, and, yeah, that's great, but _they_ talk about wanting to date them, not have the boys date _eachother. _Life, well, death sucks.

Token seems depressed. That's an understatement. His face is in his hands, and he's making indignant grunts and groans. I turn to Clyde. "What's wrong?" I whisper curiously. He should know; they're best friends, and if my mission succeeds, _boyfriends_. Damn, I need a break from all this gay stuff.

"His girlfriend broke up with him. Ya know, Nicole." Clyde tells me sadly, or at least that's what his tone indicates. There's something in his eyes though… joy? I shrug it off, and wrinkle my nose in reality. "He's taking it hard." Clyde adds unnecessarily. I nod.

It looks like I have a better chance at bringing Tyde together – wait, I'm doing ship names? I groan in unison with Token. I'm glad Nicole it out of the way, I never liked her. Especially since she dumped me so long back. But hey, no grudges. I cast my eyes back over to the girls table, and see her weeping. Damn, she was the one to break up with _him_. I catch sight of Wendy again, and slap myself, causing Craig to look up. I need to get Wendy and fatass together.

I've barely seen Cartman around, though. Just like Stan. I guess the group has fallen apart, completely. Kenny told me that whenever he died, we got on just fine. It doesn't seem to be the case now. I only see him in English, but he keeps himself to himself. He's more stoic than Craig. I sigh. I don't know what's up with Cartman either. It feels weird, thinking about him, but I miss him. A bit. Sure, we were worst enemies, but we have a kind of relationship where we would risk our life to save the others. We sort of need each other. We all do. Stan, Kenny, _Eric _and I.

I look back to the table, where Clyde's arm is hooked around Token's shoulder, leaning in and comforting Token. I smile. I hope he's one of the guys who go on a rebound after a breakup. Craig gets up suddenly, and I frown, before seeing Tweek walk over, biting his lip.

"H-hi." Tweek says quietly, putting his tray down next to Clyde, away from Craig. Craig nods, and looks like he wants to do something, kiss him, maybe, but Tweek squirms away before he has the chance. I cover my grin. Go Tweek! I'm a fucking cockblock, I know. Tweek locks contact with me, and I see how worried he really is, flecks of blood starting to stain his lip.

I hear a sound, and Tweek and I look towards it. Craig's stood up on the "isolation table", the one in the middle of the cafeteria _no-one _eats on. What the hell? I spot Mr Mackey trying to get to him, but he flips him off casually, keeping his face emotionless. Tweek's eyes widen considerably. I don't blame him.

"Tweek James Tweak," Craig begins in a loud, bored tone, attracting the attention of everyone in the Cafeteria, their eyes and ears fixated on him. "is the best fucking person I've ever met." He carries on, staring at his feet, but then bringing his grey eyes back up to look straight ahead of him, right at Tweek. "He's sweet, caring, funny, weird, c-cool," He stumbles over his words a bit. "and _insanely _cute." His lips twitch a bit. Is he smiling?

"I'm sorry." He says, slightly quieter and Tweek's eyes well with unspilt tears. "I hurt him. I made the worst mistake of my life." I hear a commotion as Thomas storms out the room, Craig glaring at him as he runs. "But I…" He pauses, and gulps.

"I love him. I'm _in _love with him. I'll never stop loving him." He turns back to Tweek. "I need you, so much. I can't live without you, not in the slightest." He gets down calmly. "If anyone has a fucking problem, I haven't hit anyone in a _really _long time." He finishes, and before Tweek can do anything, he's dragged away by Mr Mackey and a lunch lady.

Tweek blushes as everyone turns to stare at him for a moment or two, before returning to their chats and meals, but then looks up, smiling at me. I grab his hand compulsively, taking it into mine. I smile back, but my heart aches.

For each couple I get together, a period of time goes by until I'll never see them again.


	11. Breakdown

**Hi, I interrupt this chapter to mention I plan to get this finished early next year, to give you an idea of how many more chapters there will be. I'm setting a pace now, so about one a month it will be updated. Oh, and if you're reading this now, please review. Okay? Okay.**

* * *

So, Craig and Tweek down. A billion to go. I walk over to the girls, wearing a (false) smile. Across the hallway, from the lockers we dominate, are Craig and Tweek themselves, seeming fairly happy in the scheme of things; I mean, Tweek's too jittery to get a good focus on his expression, and Craig never seems to have any expressions, but I can just tell, in their eyes and shit. I give Tweek a genuine smile as he casts his eyes over to me for a second.

"Hey, Chlo!" Okay, that's it. When I get lifted back up to Heaven, I am taking Clyde with me. I should have chosen another name that is impossible to abbreviate. Still, at least Clyde's not hitting on me anymore. He's too busy consoling Token, which is good. Looks like things are getting easier…or not.

Now, my intention was to talk to Wendy about Cartman, but considering that'll be the least pleasant since I'm getting my two enemies together, maybe not. Instead, I carefully approach Stan. Not that it is anymore pleasant, it's just something I have to do. I owe it to him; it's my fault he is like this. The minute he slips through the doors I grab him, yanking his earphones out of his ears. My Chemical Romance. He always used to hate the band, while I love it. I try to stifle a smile and a dry sob from the thought of why he's changed his opinion.

"What are you doing?" His voice is dangerously slow, and it makes my heart hurt. He's looking right at me, shit. What if he notices the similarities, like Butters did? It still freaked me out, that Butters had a sense of Kenny still in there somewhere. I really should have tried to vary even more from my original form. I wrinkle my nose.

"Listen, I'm the new girl here and," I tried to add long pauses. My speech used to be long and rambled when I was alive, trying to fit all my thoughts in. Since I've been a girl, there's less logical stuff to say and more emotional stuff. Huh. "I just think it's kind of sad how…depressed you are." I explain cautiously.

His eyes narrow, and I almost flinch. Stan never looked at me that way before. "Um," I try desperately to think of something else to say. "My Mom is a therapist…for people who have lost loved ones." I lie. "I heard about Kyle and –" He cuts me off, snatching the earphones back.

"You know shit, Chloe, you know shit!" He yells, making a few people turn their heads. I swallow. "You will never know what it was like with Kyle! You will never feel what is it like to have him gone! Go away." He pushes past me, stalking right off. I watch him leave, trying not to have my eyes well with tears.

I turn around before Wendy can coddle me, walking out the doors, through the grounds, through the car park, through the exit. I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore.

Something washes over me, and that's the last I feel.

* * *

**Don't worry, nothing bad has happened/will happen, but I didn't say it will be good…**


	12. Technical Difficulties

**To the people who read this story…and like it…and don't review…**

**You are the reason I don't write as much.**

* * *

My eyes snap open, and I realise I'm in the same room as I was the time I died. Everything is white, blank, offset by the flush of blood beneath my skin, and the denim of my jeans – I choke. I was wearing them when I died.

"Kyle." Kenny walks in and I get up from the chair I was sitting on, eyes widening as I realise that my hair no longer falls to my shoulder, and no strands fall into my eyes. I reach up and touch the top of my head, pulling down with me a familiar hat.

My ushanka.

"What is going on?" I demand. I can't be going to Heaven yet. I still have to help Butters, and Token, and –

_Stan._

"Calm down." He chuckles, and my eyes narrow. He pulls down his parka, face going solemn. "We…encountered a problem." He says cautiously, and I clench my fists.

"What problem?" I grind out, and I can see him gulp.

"You've spent too much time on Earth…we underestimated nature's course. When a soul returns or goes to a habitable planet…it can't leave, unless it's killed." Kenny ducks his head.

"Kyle, God has given you the ability to return to Earth." I nod. "By transferring my _gift _to you. We didn't think…"

"Spit it out, Kenny!" It's unusual to hear my original voice after so long. He jerks his head.

"The only way you can come back is if you die, right?" I roll my eyes. "You can't die, Kyle." I shake my head, disbelieving. It's enough when Kenny tries to say he couldn't. "Which is good, you know? But, uh, you have to remain a girl. Remember what I said about a soul, and if the soul can't-"

I cut him off. "Yes, I know, Kenny! What you're saying is I have to spend eternity in a girl's body?" I won't cry, I won't cry. "I have to watch people I love die and- Oh god, I can't tell anyone, can I? I can never let Stan know who I-" My voice breaks.

"I'm sorry, Kyle." Kenny comes over and wraps his arms around me, and I don't reject him. "The reason you never realised I died all the time was because God kept erasing your memories, so the media wouldn't hear and there wouldn't be a global freak out. There's no difference with you."

Kenny rubs circles into my back as I finally start to cry. "It's alright, you can still…help everyone. Maybe start a new life-" I shove him away.

"You know I modified myself to have no period, thus no children! No family, as well! No f-fucking husband, because Stan could never love me like that!" I sob. "How could you do this to me?" I yell, and smack him against his face. He flinches, but doesn't hit me back.

He walks away, and I slip back into unconsciousness.


	13. Revelation

**Thank you so, so much for the lovely reviews. I'm sorry for not updating – I've been busy. Here it is.**

* * *

I keep my eyes downcast to the floor as I walk in. It's not even funny, or positive, anymore, all of this. Stan _hates _me, or, at least, Chloe, and even though it's not an order by God, not now, I still feel obligated to help my…friends. To make them realise what they have, what they could have.

What_ I_ should have had.

When I left Kenny again, or, rather, he left me, I ended up back by the school gates, dizzy and on the floor for a moment. Normally, it happens in a dream. An arm wraps around my shoulder and I turn to see Clyde there, smiling at me, but his eyebrows somewhat expressing a solemn disposition.

"Don't worry about it, Chlo, he shuts everyone out, you know that." He rolls his eyes, and I nod. He does; it's my fault. Okay, I need to stop brooding. When did that ever make someone happy?

I focus on what Clyde is saying. "We're having a party at Craig's house, this Friday. They'll be a bunch of girls, so Token can go back on the market and all." There's something different in his voice. Good. "Tweek wanted you to come, 'cos apparently you got Tweek and Craig back together?" He smiles and pulls away from me as we stop outside form again. I peek in the window – everyone's already gone inside the room. Clyde must have been sent to check on me.

"They're better together." I reply, pushing the door open. I wonder if there are tears on my face, still. Quite a few people look up, the girls I'm supposed to be friends with, but can't exactly find the strength to be around all the time, Tweek, Butters, Token, and…Stan.

"Sit down, Chloe, Token. I hope you understand that here at high school, we do not tolerate spur-of-the-moment breakdowns." The teacher snarls, and I murmur something under my breath as I walk to my seat. Bitch. Now, my cheeks are crimson. Brilliant.

I look around the classroom as the teacher reads out the announcements. Clyde and Token are situated at the back, with Clyde subtly playing on a device beneath his desk. I recognise it to be Token's IPhone, the latest one. I wonder if they're better off as friends – I can't even imagine that well them being together. Clyde seems _way _too interested in girls, and Token is somewhat too chilled for me to picture him being gay.

Whatever. I cast my eyes over to Tweek and Craig, and smile as I see how close their desks have been pushed together, and the fact that Tweek is almost sitting on Craig's lap, his head on Craig's shoulders as his thighs stay across Craig's knees. I never thought I'd care about them, not in the slightest. Craig's hand slides into Tweek's, and that one move makes me know that even if I had never helped, they still probably would have gotten back together.

Yes, Tweek is twitching, and Craig is wearing a blank expression, but they're perfect, somehow. Kind of inseparable.

This is some corny shit right here.

I stare at my hands, though they're not really mine. My arms have the same short, ginger hairs, and beneath is the same creamy skin, but it's different. I'm not supposed to be like this. A girl. Chloe.

I'm Kyle. Kyle Broflovski, but the name seems different to me now. Like I'm just fooling myself.

Maybe I can be Chloe, maybe this is a new start, a new life.

My eyes flit to Stan, wash over him, just how goddamn handsome he is, and just how great he is, was, before all this, and I know that's a lie. I can't ever start a new life without him.

Which is why I need to help myself out, and get Stan back. I can't tell him who I am, who I was, but hey, maybe I can do that stupid Twilight thing where Bella's Dad is only told what he needs to know.

It might just work out.


	14. Mishappenings

"Hey." Craig greets stoically as I emerge through the door. It's not as crowded as the last party, and I know most of everyone here. I nod at him, chancing a smile but rolling my eyes when he just slides past me to close the door and walks off.

I look around. Craig's house is fair sized, and there's about room for 50 people in the downstairs bit, alone. I wonder if people have already started screwing in Mrs and Mr Tucker's bed, yet. I sneak a look at Stan, who's lone in the corner. Well, at least he came. I eye up his beer.

"Hi, Chlo." Butters pops out of freaking nowhere and I nod, hand patting his back awkwardly as he hugs me. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to help him find a guy as well.

I grab a drink from the table and gulp it down, not even bothering to find out whether it's been vomited in or whatever.

* * *

A while later, I've set up Butters to chat to some random guy, whilst Token and Clyde play video games. It all makes my head hurt from this work, I swear.

My eyes wander over to where Craig is standing, not before making a cautious glance towards Stan, and I frown as I see Tweek is missing. He sees me, and flips me off, but comes over anyway, just as I put down the drink and smooth down my hair.

"What're you staring at." It's barely a question.

"You. Where's Tweek?"

"We broke up."

My jaw drops, but I try to look stoic. It's not as easy as Craig makes it seem. They broke up? After Craig got on a table and proclaimed his love? After Tweek sobbed about missing him? They broke up, just like that? Again? Fantastic.

"Why?"

Craig rolls his eyes at me and scoffs. "Chloe, wake up. I fucked someone else. He's hardly going to trust me so easily again, is he? Even if I did tell everyone we're fags." His eyes go downcast, a hint of a forced smirk on his face. "I used to be the only one who could calm him down. Not now." He looks up to stare at me.

"We might look fine to you, and we may still look like we're dating…But that's not right. We're not technically broken up, but we're never going to be the same. If you looked a little closer, you would realise that." He points a finger over to the corner, and I spot a slightly ajar closet door down the hallway.

"He's already making out with Red, no doubt." Craig chuckles, arms crossing. I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but I can't. I can't be positive. Craig and Tweek…It's impossible getting them together. It's all impossible. It's like God is just flipping me off here and now. I look over to where Butters is kissing that some guy, and I shake my head lightly. He's meant to be with Kenny. I'm not helping anyone – I'm screwing them over.

I catch a glance over towards Stan again, and see he's no longer there. I try to dismiss the pangs in my stomach, and turn back to Craig, when a hand encircles around my wrist and I turn around, eyes widened automatically.

"Come on." He mutters and pulls me away before I have the chance to comply. Not that I would have said no. I can't even think straight, whether from the fact the love of my…past life is touching me, talking to me, finally, or the alcohol. He pushes me into a room, not as roughly as he could have. I detect some alcohol in his breath, and it makes me frown. I hated the time we weren't friends, all those years ago, when he got wasted all the time and obsessed with alien conspiracies. I didn't stay by him, but, whatever, I am now.

"Stan?" I say meekly when he's just silent, staring at the ground like he's thinking about algebra shit. He just looks deep in thought, for a drunk person. Does he know it's me? Is he unsure? Is he going to bleeding murder me for –

His lips cram into mine, and I moan slightly, my hands immediately gripping his shoulders, keeping him at a close distance, as always. I make the first move, parting my lips to let him in. His hands go up into my hair and my head spins. This is right, this is right, it's Stan and I…We're back together…

But we're not. I'm dead. This, my body, it's not mine. I'm just a soul grabbing at an empty pot of gold. My eyes water, helped by the hormone increase and toxins, and when the first drip gets onto his cheeks, he pulls away, blue eyes searching my face.

"I'm so glad you're back, Kyle. Don't cry." A smile slips onto my face as I take in his words. He knows it's me. He knows it's me. His fingers trace along my jaw, then the side of my face, then the curve of my ear as he pushes my hair back. He kisses me again, and I kiss back.

But I should have known by now, South Park is infamous for mishappenings.


	15. Note

Readers,

I wanted to say I'm coming back, but I'm not really. Coming back sounds too bold, too promising. I'll be continuing this story, along with _Hunger_, _Life As We Know It_, and _Fears and Trembles_, but I'm not sure if I will post my little drabbles and one-shots once more. What I'm trying to say is that, I really don't know what I'm doing now. I've had a lot of time to think about my writing on here, and whether I should return, and I've barely formed a clear decision as of yet. So, I'm just going to finish my multi-chapters, and we'll see if I want to write more chaptered fictions, or those one-shots I talked about.

\- You can stop reading now -

I left because I'm only young, and I'm not just an author. I'm younger than most people on here, and I have a life too, and a past, one that's better left untold in a note such as this. I came here to illustrate to people my love for writing, and to receive the comfort, support and recognition I don't get outside of this website. I used to feel like people come here just to dwell over their favourite ships, and skim past story over story, hell, I still think that, and I used to think no one actually cared about the quality of the work, more of the plot, the characters. As long as they got their _feels _activated, they would be finished with fictions such as mine. It seemed that no one cared about how much time I spent writing stories, and that all I was was a new story in the archive everyday.

No one thinks my stories are good in real life. There's a lot of people around me, including that one girl in class, you know the one, who everyone thinks is the smartest and just...the best at all subjects, like English, or more specifically, writing. I remember making an account two years ago, formerly known as JustGottaWriteGirl, and, I giggle at it now. My spelling and grammar was so bad, and my stories were mostly just fluffy, funny, rushed drabbles, but it was _fun_. I got the occasional review, and though I was no where near where I am now in terms of writing capabilities, it was so nice to get people complimenting my stories.

I still find it so nice when people compliment me or my stories. It makes me feel fulfilled, like I've done something right. Sometimes, they make me laugh, other times, they make me try not to cry, because some reviewers are just so...nice. But then, comes the days when I have to beg for these little comforts, to get the slightest bit of recognition for what I have done. The days when I forget to leave in the authors note about liking reviews, and no one drops a review anyway. The days when I upload more than 2k worth of words, and refresh the archive everyday, to see it's just been lost in the crowd. It makes me feel disappointed, dejected.

It's hard to write this without sounding attention-seeking. It really is. The thing is, I never cared about the number of reviews I got, all I ever wanted was one review for each story, for each story. I didn't want stories as famous as Aisle 10, or Tension Tighter Than A Loaded Gun, and I didn't want to be up there with Lucy Sinclair, or Predominately Normal, to name a few, I just wanted...I don't even know anymore. I was silly, I am silly, I'm young, and all this is a _fanfiction _site, filled with stories about gay boys and depressing affairs and forbidden kisses and...all that.

I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know. It's so hard to explain everything, so hard I've probably made half of you hate me, if you're reading this, so I'll get to the point. I love reviews. Just one person writing a few words to say they liked my stories. Favourites and follows don't mean much to me. People pressuring me, with short, minuscule, guest reviews like "Write more. You've kept me waiting for days", or people hating me, with the same short, minuscule, guest reviews like "This sucked. I hated this story.", mean nothing to me. Well, that last one, it does mean things to me, but they're not good things.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I sound in this. Maybe I'll delete this really soon, but I just...needed to let you guys know the reason why.

Love, Impassive Tears.


	16. Destitute

**Author's Note** \- Hi, welcome back to Kyle's Mission/Cursed Gift. This is one of the four multi-chapters I will be continuing after my absence, along with _Hunger_, _LAWKI_ and _Fears and Trembles_. I'd appreciate if you tried those ones out for size as well.

**Author's Note 2** \- I am so thankful for all the readers of this story, and other stories, for that matter, who have supported me, and been so kind to me, amidst my breakdown. You have all given me strength to write for the South Park fandom once more.

**Author's Note 3** – I am making a blog on Tumblr, which will illustrate most of my personality, and for you guys to ask questions, and read little samples of these stories, teasers, and the occasional one-shot. Link in profile.

* * *

I never had much of a body fit for alcohol and drugs. When I was little, and seemed to be in hospital every other week, morphine, and all the other fluids they injected me, passed through my system slowly, making me ask for more and more when I didn't feel the effects right away. It was mostly the reason I had never drank much alcohol when I was alive – I breathe out. I am alive. I mean when I was a boy.

My head thuds as I sit up, propping myself up on bare elbows, when I'm so sure I was wearing a cardigan with my dress last night. My vision is as sluggish and blurry as my mind as I look around the room I'm in, decreeing with deliberation that I'm alone, in bed, naked. I almost wish that I could come to the same conclusion every other teenager would come to, no matter what gender they are, but I can't. Nothing hurts or…feels w_eird _down there, so why the hell am I bare?

I pull the covers off of me, and rub my eyes, smudging sleep across my cheekbones. Piece by piece, I remember more. Arriving at Craig's party, finding the truth about Craig and Tweek, talking to Stan, kissing Stan – where was he? I duck down, a movement I spare a thought of regret for as everything spins, and search the floor for my clothes. I retrieve a large rugby shirt, that I presume to be Craig's Dad's, thus also leading me to the conclusion that this is Mr and Mrs Tucker's bedroom, so I have to get the hell out of here, and find Stan along the way. I also grab a pair of sweatpants, and throw them on, not caring for my actual clothes.

I edge down the hallway, stepping carefully past each scrap of food, and fragment of broken glass, and glancing cautiously at each sleeping student. I don't really see anyone I recognise, asides from Cartman, and I freeze for a second, staring. He's awake, that much I can tell, from the position he's in, but his eyes are closed, and even if he does know I'm here, he doesn't make a remark over it. I never noticed he was even here. I frown, and turn away, running down the stairs and looking around anxiously.

Craig's draped over the couch, fast asleep, a beer bottle in hand, as his arm hangs off the back of the couch. Bebe's in a pile at his feet, and I blink at the dried tear tracks I can see on her face. What happened to her? What happened to everyone? I should probably wake Craig up before his parents get back. I hear a sound behind me, and turn to see Tweek, wide eyed, focused on Craig.

"Don't wake him. Not until I'm g-gone." He mumbles, reaching for his hoodie. I sigh and nod. I take a few steps forward, knowing I have to confront Tweek. Since I can't go to Heaven now, I am no longer obligated to help my friends, or _anyone_, and that fate idea was probably all a bunch of crap, with all the people meant to be together, but it doesn't mean what happened didn't happen, and that I don't have questions about it all.

"Why the hell aren't you guys fucking together after everything?" I demand, and he flinches, shocked and alarmed. I don't even care anymore. 10 seconds go past before he speaks up.

"We can't get back together, just – nngh – like that!" He reasons. My eyes run over his appearance. His messy, golden hair. "It was stupid." Tears well up in his eyes. His hazel, feminine eyes. "To think things could go back to the way they were." He shakes his head frantically and looks down at his feet. His scuffed black converses.

"We were perfect, b-but things can't be like that forever. Don't you get it? Don't you understand?" His volume increases. "I love him, and he loves me. He hurt me so much, and I hurt h-him off so much. I-I'm a freak, and he's an – an asshole. We worked through that for a little while, but things come to an e-end." He gulps, and drops his hoodie, and I barely register as he runs out of the house, brushing past me for a split second.

I stay for a few minutes, or maybe it was half an hour, for all the shouts of "We gotta get out of here before Craig's Dad kicks our asses!", before leaving, as well. I never get to see Stan.

Stan and I were perfect, but I don't think we are, anymore.

* * *

**an4 - **I have an idea for this story, but I'm not sure how many of you will like it. I don't want to give the game away for everyone, so only private message me if you want to know what's going to evolve over the remainder of the story.

Please review.


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